Feeling very very overwhelamed right now. Dont really know why. Every now and then, this stuff hits me. The LVAd IS real, it IS part of our lives, and Peter is waiting for a transplant. The rest of the time, things seem normal. But when i stop and think about it, I realised, this isnt normal. Not at all.
Today I received an invitation for my aunts wedding. They want a RSVP but this saturday. They say they can plug Peter in, he is very welcome to come, will take care of him etc. But there is one thing stopping me from saying yes. and that is other people. We have a very very large family, my mum is one of elevan children. And they all have children, and some of those children have children now as well. The thought of being i na large hall with 100+ people, children running about and doing the wedding dance slide of the floor on their knees, with Peter and his wires there, well my blood run cold. All it would take is for one child to trip into his machine and it could be deadly. And then then adults having a drink, stumbling about (not that they are all dunkards, but its a celebration, i'm sure a couple will be tipsy), again not something that should be mixed with wires. But I am still reluctant to RSVP to say no we cant attend, as i am really still clining onto the tiniest shred of hope that transplant will happen very very soon and by the wedding date in june, life will be normalish.
I cant bear the thought of our lives carrying on in this neverending round of hospital visits, medication, nurses etc with no end.