I wish I could say that the reason I havent posted since Tuesday was because we had 'the call' but unfortunatly is isnt that at all. The hospital has rung, but that was for booking another LVAD training session for new carers over the summer holidays. A part of me is internally screaming 'stop talking about how we will be in this situation still over the summer, its not going to happen.' Its scary having our holiday cover booked months in advance, having to meet a whole new set of carers. I spoke to B, our youngest carer, the other day about how long did she think this placement would've lasted when she took it on,
'Not this long' she said,
'neither did I' said I.
Our lives seem to be taken over by Peter and his LVAD, and this wait for the phone to ring. Each day I wake up realising the phone didnt ring during the night, and that another day has begun. Each time the phone rings I pray its the call, and it never is. Each night I stay up later, willing for the phone to ring. I go through what to do over and over in my head each day, how best to not disrupt the children, who to call on to babysit, how we will get to the hospital, saying goodbye as he goes down for the op. Over and over it goes. Each day is the same.
I get up with the children at 7am, get them ready for school, get a shower, wake Peter up for medication, let the carers in, take the children to school, come home, do housework, talk to peter, on mondays and thurssday wait for blood nurse, take perscriptions to the doctors, pick up perscriptions from the chemist, on wednesday spend the day out as day off, pick up kids from school, cook dinner, serve dinner, gets kids off to bed, watch a film, do more housework, play on pc, go to bed and pray.
Peter cant do anything at the moment due to the huge amounts of pain he is in, he can just about sit in the chair I bought for him, and lie in bed comfortably.