Tuesday, March 27, 2007

My own heart is breaking

Peter is back in hospital. He is in a lot of pain again. BUT he didnt want to go in. I phoned and got him admitted. He isnt happy at all. But I cant deal with it at home. He cant walk far at all, he barely steps out of the house due to pain, yet is meant to have daily exercise. So he really isnt doing so well on the pain/exercise front.

So I had to collect the girls from school and nursery and break it to them. Serena just spread her hands out and said 'Daddy gone' with her eyes all wide and full of sadness. Nicole cried herself to sleep tonight, and Lauren wanted daddy to do the bedtime story and not me. Serena woke up an hour ago going 'Daddy Daddy Daddy'.

A hospital admittance has never been so painful before :(


Jessica said...

Oh Sarah! I'm so sorry to learn that Peter has to go back to the hospital *hugs* No words can convey the pain you feel when your loved ones is so sick like this. I've been there and it's a very dark place to be trapped in. I'm also angry that Peter is in this much pain. Why hasn't his cardiologist or transplant team prescribed him pain medication? Or at least made sure that his pain levels are controlled? This is infuriating! Is the LVAD causing him pain or is he having chest pains? Your account of your little ones calling out for their Daddy is heartbreaking. I truly wish I had a magic wand and I could take the hurt and the sorrow away from your lives, Sarah, I truly. Please write me anytime at ninejml@gmail.com if you need anything. If you need to rant or vent, just feel free to lay it on me. I've been where you are and I just wish with everything in me to spare you from the same kind of turmoil I endured.

I know that when my brother's condition went downhill, I felt so alone and abandoned by my friends. Not because they weren't willing to give me comfort; they were. But it was because they didn't understand how deep the sorrow went, how sharp the fear was. I know that things must be so overwhelming for you with three little ones and Peter in the hospital. I pray that you have a strong support system (friends, parents, siblings, relatives) lending you a hand. Most of the time, that makes all the difference in the world. I'll pray for Peter and for you, Sarah. You've always been in my thoughts since I found your blog. I don't know you, and I haven't met you, but I ache for you nontheless. Please keep your readers updated on Peter's condition, and most of all, on how you're doing. We care -- I care. I pray that the next time you post, it will be some good news! *hugs*

Tim said...

I just found your Blog... I'm so sorry to hear how much you and Peter are suffering. :( I know there's not much I can say or do, but I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and Peter, and I'll be praying for things to work out for you.

Judi said...

My prayers are with you and your family. God knows you all are hurting and he cares. I care too. Judi

Thuy-Anh Anna said...

I found your blog through Jessica's blog. I'm at a loss for words at what I can write to lessen your pain. I don't think anything written can make you feel better. But just pls know that Peter and you are in my thoughts. It's a downer that he's in the hospital but at least he'll be getting medical care and support. My hope is that the worst will be behind you soon! {{{HUG}}}

Keith said...

i'm so sorry this is happening to your family. i wish you all the very best. may peter get well soon.