Justine has got her new lungs (Sunday morning call for her) and should now be settling back into the transplant unit. But there are so many other people still waiting and its driving me insane. I don't know how much longer we can carry this on for. I really don't. I just feel so emotionally drained and exhausted. I don't know what each day will bring, I panic if the phone rings, or if I get stuck in traffic. I am constantly on the go, on high speed mode and no stop control. I barely sleep, even when shattered the sleep I get is restless, its like I cant shut down properly, because if I do then I may miss that call.
Watching the transplant programs made me realize how much I need to be at harefield when the call does come in. I need to be there to see him into theatre, to hold his hand as he goes in, to kiss him goodbye. I need to do that. People say my #1 prioity must be the kids, and they are up there at #1, but so is peter. They all need me equally but for different reasons. I don't know if I could sit at harefield for the full op, but I need to be there for that moment.
please, phone ring, please.