Tuesday, November 29, 2005

More to deal with..

Lauren, our middle child, is being referred for assessment as her pre-school feels she may be on the autism spectrum. dont know how much more this family can take.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Soon it'll be christmas.......

The girls have been asking if we can put the christmas tree and decorations up today. Usually we dont put them up till the 9th december, but I am considering putting them up alightly earlier this year. Part of me doesnt want to celebrate it as we wont be at home for christmas day, we are booked into relatives accomadation at Harefield. It is very unlikely that Peter will be home in time for christmas anyway, he really needed a transplant by today to try and get home in time. And that hasnt happened.

If the girls werent abut i'd be going crazy by now, and i wouldnt even consider christamas at all.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Havent updated much.

Well its been a very eventful month. Peter was palced back on the list which was good, small stroke, infection, infection, and oh another infection.

He is in a lot of pain especially around his VAD site. The wound has been bleeding freely for a few weeks, he has had a haemotoma in his stomache, his INR went too high so he was just pouring blood after injections and blood tests. He was wanting to give up and i honestly dont blame him. He was on the phone so much telling me he couldnt do this anymore and it tore me apart as i was so far away and couldnt help.

He is on fairly strong painkillers, and they are talking about setting up a spinal block so he can painfree for a while, but due to his INR problems and the bleeding it could essentially make things worse with regards to bleeding. It weighing up the pros and cons, to be painfree will be amazing for him as he has been in pain for the last 5months, so even a few hours releif would be great, but what if they cant stop the bleeding from where they site the needle?

So far, no transplant call, It so hard waiting. If the phone rings too early in the mornings or late at night, then i feel a sense of dread in my chest continously thinking 'is this it? is this call going to change our lives?' And each day i pray that a call will come, but then feel guilty as in reality i am praying for someone who is a match to die. It really confuses me.

too late to be contemplating all this, so will try and fill the rest in in the morning.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Its midnight and I cannot sleep, again :(

Peter has another possible infection. He is back on barrier nursing again whilst they await lab result to see what is making him ill this time. His LVAD tubes were a mess today when his dressing was done, very gungey. He also is suffering stomache problems.

Today I looked at a new school for our eldest daughter,Nicole. She will be starting there monday. Part of me feels that maybe this is the wrong time for her to be moving schools, but the main attraction of the new scxhool is how close to home it is, compared with her current school, which will no doubt make things easier.

And also, our youngest daughter, Serena, had an 8month health check today. she is doing fine, HV is slightly concerned at her slow weight gain and i have to take Serena back in 4 weeks to be weighed again.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

RIP Clive

One of the patients passed away over the weekend. I just want to say a silent prayer and send good thoughts to his family.